a
Larry G Poss
 

Only Thing Worse Than A BAD JOKE
Is TELLING ONE!

.... Larry

In Arkansas, if you divorce your wife,
is she still your SISTER?
SEE, IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE!!

Pick Up

Many beautiful moments were the direct result of the first words spoken.

Commonly known as the
'Pick Up Line'.

Many beautiful momments never were, because of the choice of the pick up line.
.... Larry

"Wow...when they made you they sure didn't omit any measurements!
I like your hair. Exactly what color is that?
You're so hot that you melt the plastic in my underwear.
Top Ten Pick-Up Lines for Meeting Single Women at
Beaches and Swimming Pools

Well, that time of year is upon us again. Summer, and you know what that means...all those hot & sexy single women in their skimpy bikinis will be heading to the beaches and swimming pools in your area. Whatever you do, don't just lay there and stare and drool over those hot little honies with bodies that are driving you out of your mind. Get off your ass and approach these women. Here's some pick-up lines to help you meet them: (10) "Did you know that when you press your ear to my shorts, you can hear the ocean? Would you like to listen?"
(9) “Hi. I’m a lifeguard and according to Coast Guard regulations, I have to inspect you for sand mites.”
(8) “I brought an extra air mattress, would like to lay out in the pool with me?”
(7) “That sure is a lovely set of lungs you are wearing today.”
(6) When you notice a girl laying out in the sun for a long time approach her and say, “You look like you’re getting a sunburn, can I offer you some of my suntan lotion?”
(5) “Where did you get that sexy bikini? It sure looks good on you.”
(4) “Excuse me, but I just had to tell you that you have got the prettiest legs I’ve ever seen in my life.”
(3) “Would you rub some sun tan oil on my back?... I can’t reach it.”
(2) Here’s a good one to use. Fake a foot injury. Start limping in front of a girl and say, “I must have stepped on some glass, can you see any stuck in the bottom of my foot?”
(1) Stroll up and down the beach and say, “Hi” to all the girls that capture your interest.
“May I offer you something to drink?”

Are those real?
Got any tattoos you wanna show me?
Is Larry King great? Or what?
Excuse me, but don't I know you from the clinic?
I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.
I bet you can't guess what I just had pierced?
I don't usually hit on fat chicks, but you're kind of cute.
You know, I can go 6 hours nonstop. Even longer if I'm with someone.
Are you a Vegetarian?
-- If yes, suck my cucumber.
-- If no, suck my sausage.
I love your nose. How big is it?
Your in luck. I've got two tickets to Wrestlemania.
Nice ass. May I wear it as a hat?
If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? or... would you hold me against it?
My face is leaving in 15 minutes.. be on it!
The word for today is "Legs"...now lets go back to my place and spread the word!
Lets go to my place and do things that I'm going to tell everyone we did anyway.
Do you know what would look great on you?..... Me!
I lost my phone number... can I have yours?
Is it hot? or is it just you?
Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [Watch for those yes answers]
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand
Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
The word of the day is "legs". Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyways.
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
Can I flirt with you?
Look at her/her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if you're the right size.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Is this your broom, you know the one you used to sweep me off my feet.
So.. How am I doin'?
As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!
At the Laundromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?"
Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body?  {Wait for answer} "Yeah, and I could show you how to get one more?"
Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?
Does your boyfriend know where you are?
Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
Let me guess .... Is your middle name - Temptation?
Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
How do you like your eggs cooked? [Why?] Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Hi, I'm a fashion photographer.  Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
I had sex with someone last night.  Was that you?
I was just curious?  Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
I'm new in town.  Could you give me directions to your apartment?
I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
Say, did we go to different schools together?
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."
What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
Walk up to a girl in a bar and pull out a print out of all the pickup lines on this site. When she asks what you're doing tell her you're trying to pick out the best line to use on a woman as beautiful as her
Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $100 (or more if you're desperate) dollar bill and rip it in half in front of his/her face write your phone number on half of it and hand it to them. Then say, "how about you call me tomorrow and we'll figure out a way to spend this money?"
When I first saw you I almost had to call an ambulance to take me away because the sight of you stopped my heart!
What do you say we go behind a rock and get a little boulder?
Are you from tennessee? cuz, you're the only ten i see.
Did you have Campbell's soup today? (she answers yes/no)
Because you're lookin' mmm... mmm... good!
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you
Can I have a picture? I want Santa Claus to know exactly what to get me for Christmas.
Would you like to be my love buffet so I can lay you on a table and take what I want?
Are those space pants, 'cause your booty is out of this world!
Damn girl you even look good with the lights on!
That's a nice pair of pants. Can I talk you out of them?
Hi, I'm Easy!
My face is leaving in five minutes, be on it.
If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
Wipe off your face and say "Here, I cleaned off this seat for you."
Those are the whitest teeth I've ever cum across.
MMMMM....You give new meaning to the word "edible"! MMMMM....You give new meaning to the word "edible"! MMMMM....You give new meaning to the word "edible"!
Be unique and different, say yes.
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
How does it feel to know that everytime you walk through a garden of roses that the roses pale in shame when compared to your beauty?
I'm good at math. U+I=69
I'm Doctor Lover. Open your blouse and say "aaaaaaa."
You must be a switch because baby you turn me on!
You look like you've been waiting all your life for a guy like me.
Don't hate me, cause you're beautiful.

Baby you're so fine I'd drink your bath water.

vHey pretty lady, I wish I were some sort of astronaut so I could crawl into your black hole.

Pick-up Lines and Rebuttals

     Man: "Haven't we met before ?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

     Man: "Haven't I seen you some place before ?
Woman:
"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

     Man: "Is this seat empty ?"
Woman:
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

     Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman:
"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock ?"

     Man: "Your place or mine ?"
Woman:
"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

     Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman:
"No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."

     Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number ?"
Woman:
"It's in the phone book."
     Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman:
"That's in the phone book too."

     Man: "So what do you do for a living ?"
Woman:
"I'm a female impersonator."

     Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir ?"
                  (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight ?)
Woman:
"Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter."
                  (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)

     Man: "What sign were you born under ?"
Woman:
"No Parking."

     Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign ?"
Woman:
"Do not Enter" (or) "Stop"

     Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning ?"
Woman:
"Unfertilized !"

     Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman:
"Yeah !!!   Let's pick up some chicks !"

     Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman:
"You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane ?"

     Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman:
"Then please leave me alone."

     Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman:
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

     Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman:
"Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

     Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman:
"Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

     Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots ?"
Woman:
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

     Man: "May I see you pretty soon ?"
Woman:
"Why ? Don't you think I'm pretty now ?"

     Man: "Your hair color is fabulous."
Woman:
"Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

     Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman:
"Sorry, there are no services today."

     Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman:
"Good ! Let's start with your bank account."

     Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman:
"Yes, but would you stay there ?"

 
 
 
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